Saturday, September 20, 2008

America v. Its Own Idiots: Exhibit A

Dear Dumb America:

You know how you get all ornery and flustered when people who don't watch WWE or own "The Purpose-Driven Life" (a.k.a. "elitists") start telling you that your beliefs are ill-informed and wrong, and that you are thick-headed rubes, and that you shouldn't vote for someone for high office just because they are as borderline adequate as you are?

This is why "elitists" do things like that: Because you are a bunch of immature idiots. This also pertains to your reaction to being told you are an immature idiot, which is to throw a patriotic hissy fit about "elitists" and, in a fit of smug "I'll show them" thinking, elect your kick-ass custom camo ATV as County Commissioner.

Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy: An estimated three-fourths of gas stations in the Nashville, Tennessee, area ran dry Friday, victim of an apparent rumor that the city was running out of gas.

"Everybody has just gone nuts," said Mike Williams, executive director of the Tennessee Petroleum Council.

He said he has no idea about the origin of a rumor that there was going to be no gas in Nashville. One reporter called him, saying she had heard that Nashville would be without gas within the hour, he said.

Hearing the rumor, drivers rushed to fill their cars and trucks.

Ok, so, just to recap: Cities don't run out of gas . . . well, unless a hurricane hits them and President Bush's FEMA doesn't do its job and clear the roads for the fuel trucks that it forgot to order.

Next week: Obama is not a Muslim, you fucktards.

Extra credit: Why that shouldn't even matter, you double fucktards.

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