Khaki Khrisis!

"If there was anybody who should have avoided the mortgage catastrophe, it was I," writes economics reporter for Thee New York Times, Edmund L. Andrews, in this Sunday's Thee New York Times Magazine. That's him, left, in the khakis. Wait, I mean, that's him, left, he's the dude in the khakis. Khakis for both? Really? Don't people look down and say, "Why doesn't one of us change into a smart olive drab trouser, or perhaps even a dungaree, what what!"

Here's how good he is at economics:
"The only problem was money. Having separated from my wife of 21 years, who had physical custody of our sons, I was handing over $4,000 a month in alimony and child-support payments. That left me with take-home pay of $2,777, barely enough to make ends meet in a one-bedroom rental apartment. Patty had yet to even look for a job. At any other time in history, the idea of someone like me borrowing more than $400,000 would have seemed insane."

"Bob called back the next morning. 'Your credit scores are almost perfect,' he said happily. 'Based on your income, you can qualify for a mortgage of about $500,000.'"

And:
"The paperwork was so confusing that I was never exactly sure who was paying what. I hazily understood that I was paying most of the fees, one way or another, but I couldn’t figure out how, and I couldn’t see any better alternatives."

(He blames it all on being in love with his new wife, of course.)

Thee New York Times's Newspaper 2.0 Labs

From Nieman Journalism Lab; seen on Engadget.

Zooming with Errol Morris

One of the many, many things Thee New York Times web site does so smartly is to create a space for things like Zoom, an irregular blog/feature by Errol Morris that (and this is my lame-ass explanation) examines how photographic images capture and distort moments from the real world. A new Zoom began on Sunday: Morris is attempting to track down the identity (both in a basic and a more conceptual sense) of the father of this boy in this photo, who was an unknown fatality at the Battle of Gettysburg.

The photo (an ambrotype, to be precise) has its own history. As an October 19, 1863 Philadelphia Inquirer put it:

"After the battle of Gettysburg, a Union soldier was found in a secluded spot on the field, where, wounded, he had laid himself down to die. In his hands, tightly clasped, was an ambrotype containing the portraits of three small children, and upon this picture his eyes, set in death, rested. The last object upon which the dying father looked was the image of his children, and as he silently gazed upon them his soul passed away. How touching! how solemn! What pen can describe the emotions of this patriot-father as he gazed upon these children, so soon to be made orphans!"

This marks part one of five in the series; check out this three-parter about a famous Crimean war photo.

The Throne of Kirk

From yesterday's Thee New York Times Home & Garden section, a profile of people (oddly, all men, like Tod Sturgeon, shown here) who build/own their own Star Trek (TOS) command chair:

“You sit in the chair,” Mike Paugh said, “and you’re watching an episode and pushing buttons and you find yourself saying, Fire photon torpedoes or whatever, and you’re making the sounds yourself because I don’t have the sound effects yet.”

“Personally,” said his wife, Barbara, “I think my husband is a nerd.”

And it turns out that a former employer's vast conglomerate of companies includes one operation that sells these chick magnets.

"For those willing to be a little less hands-on, Diamond Select Toys & Collectibles, a company in Timonium, Md., that specializes in science fiction and comic-book novelties, has just begun selling a ready-to-use model for about $2,700. This version — which the company says it plans to limit to 1,701 pieces, in honor of the Enterprise’s Starfleet registration number — includes light and sound effects emanating from the control knobs, push buttons, rocker switches and a mock intercom on the chair’s boxy armrests."

And lest you think I am mocking, allow me present my credentials, left. That's right.
The rare forest green tunic. Which my parents let me wear to photo day FTW.

Set phasers to "ruthless elementary school beat-down."

PS These are sweet.




Top photo: Susan Seubert for The New York Times

Hanging Romania's Dictator

In thee New York Times: The history behind the new exhibit at the National Museum of Contemporary Art in Bucharest: “Overcoming Dictatorship.”

"[S]ycophants kept a virtual army of state-approved artists busy painting portraits of [Nicolae] Ceausescu and his wife, thousands of them. These ended up in public buildings and in the various homes of the dictator, who loved to receive as birthday gifts pictures of himself showing how much the Romanian people loved him. Ceausescu constructed a whole building to store these portraits.

Big, brightly colored scenes of Communist kitsch, they showed the dictator and his wife smiling before reverent mobs of workers, receiving flowers from ruddy-cheeked female soldiers, and wearing white 1970s leisure suits that, like the peaked winter hat Ceausescu made de rigeur for all loyal apparatchiks, became the height of Romanian fashion once upon a time."

Photo: Cristian Movila for The New York Times

Laser Pants's Product-less Product Review: The Kindle 2

Welcome to the first installment of Laser Pants's Product-Less Product Review.

Today, let's take a look at Amazon's new Kindle 2. It costs $359 US.

And here it is:
The Kindle 2

Check it out.

It's white plastic.

Got a little keyboard.

Some buttons on the side.

And . . . we're done.












For a quick comparison to another popular handheld electronic device, here's a photo of Apple's iPhone.



















I'd have to say that the first and most obvious shortcoming of the Kindle is the IT'S STILL IN FUCKING BLACK AND WHITE, not unlike the Franklin Executive Desk Companion DCN-290.


Here is an image of the Franklin Executive Desk Companion DCN-290. I couldn't find a picture of a human hand actually holding this fucking thing, because I guess all the hand models were like "Touch it? TOUCH it?!?!? Are you fucking insane? I'd rather do bestiality hand porn."

Wait, do you see what I see? It looks like this goddamn thing has a touch screen. UNLIKE THE KINDLE.






And you know what? That's pretty much the end of this review. With an a) like "It's in black and white and doesn't have a touch screen," you don't need a b). We shan't even get into the lack of video, photo, music, telephony, camera, e-mail, GPS, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I understand that those aren't the job of the Kindle. The job of the Kindle is, apparently, to be a really shitty book. With a keyboard.


And a black and white screen.

Here's another image of it.

Look, there's President Obama, on the front page of Thee New York Times.

Which, the last time I checked, WAS PRINTED ON NEWSPRINT IN FUCKING COLOR.









I am totally fucking perplexed as to why anyone would look at this boring black and white affront to humanity and go, "Oh sure, I'll pay $359 for black and white and no telephone or music. Sign me up. Fuck it, I'll take two. I'm going to give one to my domestic help, for whom I pay no taxes."

Oh . . . wait . . . I was peeping the hawt specs on this and just noticed that the Kindle 2 now boasts "20% faster page turns."

Whoa . . . TWENTY percent?

Well, OK then.

Wetwang to Penistone to Pratts Bottom

For the 14-year-old etymologist in all of us, a charming bit on con"genital"ly-humorous English towne names (Oh, to live in Spanker Lane).

“It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: “p-e-n” — pause — “i-s-t-o-n-e.”

(Thanks Minky!)

The Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide

Greetings and welcome to the first annual Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide. If you're looking for a gift that says "I actually give a crap and want to show it through materialism!" we are here to help. All are available via the Internetz.

The Thing
This quarterly subscription production features original objects and creations by the original artists. It arrives in a plain brown box, the size of which varies dramatically (thanks Meg!). Learn more from bits on Marketplace and in Thee New York Times.










Idiots' Books
Another subscription (single books are available too), these are very limited run illustrated books about all sorts of topics, made by the Chestertown, Marlyand team of Matthew Swanson and Robbi Behr (thanks Jim and Jill!). Though at first blush these may appear to be wholesome, well-done, smart children's books, they are most refreshingly not. They're better.







Charcoal print of a cowboy hat-wearing, shirtless,
glistening, 70's-era Burt Reynolds
From the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum in Jupiter, Florida (thanks for discovering this but not making us have one in the house, Eric!)



















Dogs of the Soviet Space Program Commemorative Matches
From the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Los Angeles, California.
















I [Heart] BMore Hoodie
Designed by Nolen Strals; order 'em through Atomic Books. Wear proudly. Stay warm and stay in school. (Photo is of the T-shirt.)















Make Your Own Awesome-As-Hell Hoodie
I got this one for Mink through LogoSportswear.com and it is beyond spectacular, whether iz Caturday or any other day.




















Got other suggestions? Let me know, I may append.

Wayne's World

Thee New York Times gets down with Wayne Coyne in his Oklahoma City compound. Oklahoma City = the new Red Hook? No, stop.

Highlight:

Neighbors seem largely oblivious to the fact that a rock star lives down the street, even after all these years. “It’s not like living next door to Cher,” Mr. Coyne said.

But fans do sometimes search the place out.

One Sunday evening not long ago, he said, “I was taking out the trash, and I saw this suspiciously slow-moving car.” In this neighborhood, it was not unreasonable for him to wonder if he was about to be robbed, or worse.

Instead someone yelled out the window, “Wayne, you rock!”

So, What Happened?

Ok, so the first Presidential Debate is over, and the one thing I now think for certain is that Jim Lehrer should be our President. How do three newspapers sum up the contest on their webb pages?

Let's look and see:

Thee New York Times:
Candidates Clash On Economy And Iraq

The Washington Post:
Economy and Iraq Take Central Role In Debate

The Sun (Baltimore):
Candidates Debate Issues

Um, really? That's the best you could do? What the fuck else were they gonna debate, the goddamn O lines of the AFC North? You totally suck.