Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Cloon Squad

There is yet another massive profile of popular talkie thespian and confusingly unhorrid-in-the-main George Clooney approaching, this time in the April 14 New Yorker. Slow news month, I guess? Anyway, this 9,525-word opus appears on the tails of last month's Esquire cover piece on Mr. . . . does this guy have a funny nickname? He needs one. How about "The Lexington Wombat"?

Anyway, Mink read the Esky piece, and upon hearing of the New Yorker's homage to L'homme Clooney, she says: "Well, I'm pretty sure the New Yorker profile won't include '2 Girls 1 Cup.'"*,**

*
Which I'm not linking to. Ever. E.V.A.R. You don't know what 2G1C is, you go find out on your own. And don't blame me when it makes you stab your brain to make it come back out. I WARNED YOU.

** I checked; it doesn't. It does confirm this: "His friends say that he is not good with domestic technology: he later told me that he had no real idea how to use the Internet." Note that Esky's A.J. Jacobs had to do the clicking and the pointing (and, well, the typing too) for the George when he showed him 2G1C. "George Clooney Is Too Awesome For The Internet"--that's what they should call the next profile. Wait, that's great: Are you Too Awesome for the Internet? Do your "people" handle anything involving that space for you? That's the new metric of success. Some celeb magazine should do a service piece: "10 People Who Are Too Motherfucking Awesome To Need Your Pathetic Arriviste Internet."***

*** Christ I totally just went David Foster Wallace on this fucking footnote situation.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nah. If you'd gone DFW, I'd still be reading. You may be approaching Klostermanville, but Wallacestinia remains several footnotes upon footnotes away.

Goff said...

KRS666 is way cooler than Martin Amis.