Great Moments in Photo Captions

Gen. Laurent Nkunda, the leader of a group of rebels, with his pet goat Betty in the mountains of Congo.

-Thee New York Times, 12/19/08
















Photo by Benedicte Kurzen/VII Mentor

Diamond David Lee Roth vs. King Carl Brutananadilewski

Presenting SOUNDBOARD BATTLE ROYALE!

In this corner, current/former/current Van Halen front "man" DIAMOND DAVID LEE ROTH:















And in this corner, South Jersey's own CARL BRUTANANADILEWSKI:














SOUNDBOARD BATTLE BEGIN!!!!

The Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide

Greetings and welcome to the first annual Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide. If you're looking for a gift that says "I actually give a crap and want to show it through materialism!" we are here to help. All are available via the Internetz.

The Thing
This quarterly subscription production features original objects and creations by the original artists. It arrives in a plain brown box, the size of which varies dramatically (thanks Meg!). Learn more from bits on Marketplace and in Thee New York Times.










Idiots' Books
Another subscription (single books are available too), these are very limited run illustrated books about all sorts of topics, made by the Chestertown, Marlyand team of Matthew Swanson and Robbi Behr (thanks Jim and Jill!). Though at first blush these may appear to be wholesome, well-done, smart children's books, they are most refreshingly not. They're better.







Charcoal print of a cowboy hat-wearing, shirtless,
glistening, 70's-era Burt Reynolds
From the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum in Jupiter, Florida (thanks for discovering this but not making us have one in the house, Eric!)



















Dogs of the Soviet Space Program Commemorative Matches
From the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Los Angeles, California.
















I [Heart] BMore Hoodie
Designed by Nolen Strals; order 'em through Atomic Books. Wear proudly. Stay warm and stay in school. (Photo is of the T-shirt.)















Make Your Own Awesome-As-Hell Hoodie
I got this one for Mink through LogoSportswear.com and it is beyond spectacular, whether iz Caturday or any other day.




















Got other suggestions? Let me know, I may append.

HistoricaLOLcat

From I Can Has Cheezburger:

This captioned cat picture postcard was found by Tracy Angulo in a Seattle antique store. Tracy tells us that the photograph is from 1905, which would make this officially the oldest cat picture with a caption, AKA lolcat, that we’ve seen.

The differences are clear. Proper grammar and a more formal tone was in vogue back then. But the similarities to modern-day kitten struggles and lolcats are amazing. ALL CAPS is still cool, but most importantly, she also no can has cheezburger. More than a hundred years later, all that’s changed is the spelling.

Gladwell on Gladwell

“I have done well as a parasite, but I’m still a parasite.”

"I'm a parasite. I'm a psychological parasite."

What Happens In Vegas

Grizzled raptor Joe Walsh shreds while Meg Guroff churns out the bass line at the Las Vegas House of Blues.

That is the one of the strangest sentences I have ever written.

Read about it here.


Photo by Brent Humphreys

Viva Lithuanian Hall

Back for an unprecedented 15th year, it's the incomparable, improbable, and inexplicable Night of 100 Elvises, held (naturally) on two nights: Friday, December 5 and Saturday, December 6.

As in prior years, there will be an ice sculpture of Elvis with his guitar; carved by Olympic Gold Medalist, Vivat Hong Pong. The "Honeymoon in Vegas" Jumpsuit, the Searchlight, Showgirls and Oyster Shuckers to the Stars are standard features of this event. Once again, the fabulous wheels of The Karb Kings will be in attendance on both nights.

Buy tickets now. Do it. Your life will never be the same.

Talking About Scrivning

For some reason, my under-qualified self will be unleashing some "Real Talk" about freelancing and writing this Saturday, at the 17th Annual Baltimore Writers' Conference. It's at Towson University, which I think is one of the few area colleges at which I did not commit a misdemeanor in my reckless and trainwreck youth.

Best part: Larry Doyle is delivering a keynote. Not best part: It's at 9 am, and the only time 9 am is funny is if you've been up for the previous 24 hours.

I'm unleashing my own sleepy style at 10:15 on a panel with the smart and go-getting Cathy Alter (who has actually written TWO books) entitled "Taking the Freelance Plunge: How to Create the Network, Write the Pieces, and Manage the Business."

I can do the middle one pretty OK; the others . . . meh.

Six Degrees of Snake Plissken

One of the jurors (#4) in the corruption trial of Alaska's second most famous politician, Senator Ted Stevens, said her father had died and got herself excused from duty. Except by saying "father had died" when she had meant "I am going to the Breeders' Cup in California to watch the ponies."

She apologized for lying, and then started a long rambling story about horses, which included references to horse breeding, the Breeders' Cup, drugs, President Ford's son Steven and her condo in Florida being bugged.

Wait . . . President Gerald Ford's son Steven Ford? The one who was in Escape From New York as Secret Service #2? That is meta as HELL.