The Only Human

The Manny Ramirez Stat Ticker: Two dropped balls, one HR (#500). Camden Yards, Saturday night, and the joint was overrun with honky red-necked arriviste Red Sox Nation goons and their quaint green Sox caps and pink T-shirts and man I think I might actually start liking Yankees fans. At least they don't act like the desperate guy who finally scored with a real girl and can't stop talking about it. The number of hats and T-shirts festooned with WORLD CHAMPIONS language was embarrassing. Grow up. PS Go Lakers.

Anyway, Manny: Never has one person been so inept and so gifted in one corporeal entity. When he starts to run to catch a ball, it's like he starts thinking about carrots or loafers or pencils or . . . who knows. He will probably be the first player in the National Baseball Hall of Fame who cannot actually catch a baseball more than 20% of the time. I hear the Red Sox are trying to install a new rule in the AL for two DHs so Manny and Ortiz can both play every game without getting near a glove.

Also, you should check out Manny's web site, because it's got an awesome intro. Looks like he hasn't done much with it since 2005. Which is so Manny. Here's a bit from the swell New Yorker piece on Mr. Ramirez:

When I asked his teammate David Ortiz, himself a borderline folk hero, how he would describe Ramirez, he replied, “As a crazy motherfucker.” Then he pointed at my notebook and said, “You can write it down just like that: ‘David Ortiz says Manny is a crazy motherfucker.’ That guy, he’s in his own world, on his own planet. Totally different human being than everyone else.” Ortiz is not alone in emphasizing that Ramirez’s originality resonates at the level of species. Another teammate, Julian Tavarez, recently told a reporter from the Boston Herald, “There’s a bunch of humans out here, but to Manny, he’s the only human.”

Also:

But for some reason I have not seen it remarked upon that Ramirez chose to name both of his first two sons Manny, Jr.