Lostpediapoetry: Jughead

The following are taken from theories posted to Lostpedia for the episode "Jughead." Note that the page has now been cleaned up: Bo. Ring.

I.

The bomb's radiation could be the cause of all illness on the island

• Ben's spinal tumor
  • Rousseau's Team's Madness
    • Infertility
      • Maybe even Jack's pancreatitis (through the weakening of his immune system)
        • Ummm...Appendicitis?

II.

The others may be Roman considering they speak Latin and there's a giant ancient 4-toed foot.

• Because the Romans had 4 toes on each foot?

III.

Charles Widmore is the son of Desmond and Penny. Desmond will return to the island at some point in the 1930s bringing Penny and their son Charlie with them. Desmond and Penny will die on the island (see Adam and Eve), Charlie will be raised by the Others. Charles will later father his own mother, with the family relationship stuck in a perpetual time loop.

• That is absurd.
  
• Completely absurd.
  • I will stop watching Lost if that turns out to be true.
• Hurley's mom would have believed it.
  • That's awesome.

IV.

One accepted meaning of "Namasté" is: "I respect that divinity within you that is also within me." Taken in this context, this painting could be in reference to the similarities between Widmore and the polar bear, i.e. they have both been to the island and left. Both the polar bear and Widmore have experienced the phenomenon ("divinity") of the island.

• "Namaste" also spells "Me Satan"
  • And also "Man Eats", what's your point?

V.

The African-American man seen in the background of the camp is ABBADON

• The man seen in the background of the camp is NOT Abbadon
  • The man seen in the background of the camp is MAYBE Abbadon

VI.

Could there be a link between the Rosicrucians and the Island? Secrets dating back to the early 1600's

• Or maybe the Illuminati? After all Illuminated and Enlightened are pretty much synonyms, plus the producers are fans of the Illuminati Trilogy
  • If at the end of season 6, LOST turns out to be a rip off of a Dan Brown book I think I'll shoot myself

VII.

Richard

• Richard does not have an English accent and is a true "original inhabitant" of the Island. I'm thinking that if he ever kicked off his shoes, there would only be 4 toes.
• Richard has an American accent because it he is an American actor and this is an American show, not necessarily because has came to the island from the US.

• It's not beyond an actor to fake an accent. The actor who plays Sayid has a very different accent than his character. If Alpert was to have an English accent, I'm sure the actor who plays him can swing it. So, I'm thinking Alpert having an American accent while the Others have English accents has some sort of significance.
  • But if you wanted a guy to play a character "without an identifying accent" he would speak in the vernacular of the place the show originated. The point is the absence of a British accent (like people from the Black Rock would have), not that he sounds American. Who knows what accent 4-toe people have?

• Fourtugese?

VIII.

Do you have to actually meet your constant? If Miles is the baby that Pierre Chang was taking care of then Chang would be his constant.

• As described by Daniel in The Constant. A constant is an object or person that exists in both periods of time, that the traveler deeply cares about and could recognize.

• If applicable, this would seem to imply that Charlotte doesn't "deeply care about" Daniel (otherwise he would be her constant). -- Travis Seitler 04:41, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

• then they all have the island
  • If that were true, then you could argue that the entire Earth itself could act as a constant. Also, can you really say that they all care about the island?

• • • pwn3d

Old Bambu

Ha.












Photo: Ruth Fremson/The New York Times

Bonus!

$18.4 billion
Amount of bonuses paid to Wall Streeters for 2008.

I am not sure how anyone merits getting a bonus for a job well done when, for example, "the brokerage units of New York financial companies lost more than $35 billion in 2008," but what do I know about anything. Maybe the bonuses are for "not raising the undead to feed on the living" or "not starting thermonuclear apocalypse"?





"Good show, Winthrop! You completely fucking tanked your clients' portfolios, but you didn't rape anyone (this year, har har!) and you didn't open a gate to Hades in the executive dining suite . . . so, here's another $1.2 million."

Here's a photo that makes about as much sense...























...which I found while looking at this one on English Russia.

Great Moments In Baltimore Journalism

Today in b, Baltimore's classiest free daily:
SUCK IT, SNOW!


Tomorrow's headline:
EAT SHIT AND DIE, WIND CHILL!






And coming this summer:
GO BUTTFUCK YOURSELF WITH NO LUBE,
MOTHERFUCKING HUMIDITY!!1!!1!!!!

Also, the Baltimore Examiner--the weird free paper for rich people, that only poor people read-- announced it was closing. Yes, the one helmed by the editor who allegedly pulled a shotgun on his neighbors. All charges were later dropped, much like his shitty newspaper.

Good riddance, and sorry to those fine journalists who were actually trying to do decent work there.

Hazard Ahead.

(via Atomic Books)

Classic Crowbar

Olly Moss does good stuff.

Vader's Fist

Presenting the story of the genesis of the founding of the 501st Legion: Vader's Fist.

"In 1995, I was sidelined by a traumatic accident where I was pinned between two cars on the side of the road," Johnson says. "That whole next year I spent in a wheelchair trying to save my leg and learning how the newly-emerging Internet worked. In 1997, I was more or less rehabilitated when the Star Wars trilogy was re-released as the Special Editions in theaters. My buddy Tom Crews and I started talking about how cool the stormtrooper characters were and, thinking out loud, imagined actually owning a suit like that. In no time we'd tracked down an ad on the Internet for a suit of stormtrooper armor."

View the 501st's patches and badgery here.

(via io9)

Going Back to Cal (Worthington)

NPR has a piece on the sad state of the U.S. automobile industry as pertains to that unique specimen of Americana, the car dealership owner. So they talk to SoCal auto salesman and TV ad legend Cal Worthington. Tidbit: his third wife burned down the house while sauteing mushrooms.
















And here's a link (can't embed fer some reason) to a fine compilation of his greatest TV ads (TVParty via Jalopnik).

Wetwang to Penistone to Pratts Bottom

For the 14-year-old etymologist in all of us, a charming bit on con"genital"ly-humorous English towne names (Oh, to live in Spanker Lane).

“It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: “p-e-n” — pause — “i-s-t-o-n-e.”

(Thanks Minky!)

The General's Goat

Forgot to mention the capture of Gen. Laurent Nkunda.






Still no word on the fugitive status or feeding and walking arrangements for Betty, his pet goat.



















Top photo by Benedicte Kurzen/VII Mentor; bottom by Getty Images

Aptly-Named Places to Never Visit

"Pakistani Taliban punished a man accused of impersonating one of them to extort money in Matta, in the volatile Swat Valley."










Photo: European Pressphoto Agency

RIP

Things that died this week:

GWOT












GYWO






So long, brave four-letter acronyms beginning with G.

Beeritos

Open on: Doritos. Beer-flavored Doritos. Man in underpants. Go.

“It’s wordy, it’s cerebral and has a punch line with a frantic edge.”

Said Barack to John: "We're Going To Do It Very Slowly."

I can't believe they actually did this.

But I can.

"Are you ready to take the oath?" Roberts asked.

"I am, and we're going to do it very slowly," Obama replied.

Hail to the Deadskins

Long, very analytical "Analysis" piece in today's WaPost about what the Washington Indigenous Peoples Football Team needs to do to stop sucking so hard and get out of third gear. The article suggests such improbable concepts as "Committing to a Plan."

So how can the Skins get better?

Real-world answer, from players and coaches: New linemen.

Never-gonna-happen answer: New management and ownership.

The first team held up as an example of "how to do it" is your "Golden Horseshoe Up Their Ass" Baltimore Ravens, which just lost the AFC Championship game--a brutal, vicious fight which, someday, Willis McGehee will be told about.

But for Redskins fans, who have not enjoyed a regular season with at least 11 victories since the 1991 season, when the team last played in the Super Bowl, the goal might be far simpler: Be like the Falcons. Or the Dolphins. Or, best of all, the Ravens.

Baltimore Sun photo by Kenneth K. Lam

Inauguration Heights

Click to enlargeify. Courtesy of our OverNerds at Popular Science.

(Via Kevin Hoffman)

Woodward (Bob) and Bernstein (Carl) on Felt (Mark)

From the Santa Rosa Press Democrat: Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein speaking at Mark Felt's memorial service.

(Via Poynter)

Breaking: Obama is NOT PRESIDENT

BECAUSE BUSH'S RETARD CHOICE FOR CHIEF JUSTICE IS EVEN LESS ADEPT AT ENGLISH-TALKING THAN W. This, I believe, is part of a cunning plot by the Bushies (or Rovers or Cheneyucks) to retroactively remove Obama from office (which he doesn't even officially hold now, but work with me) and re-install Goober-in-Chief Bush and his S.A. goons. MARK MY WORDS.

[EDIT: This argument will surely be proffered, posited, and promulgated by the anti-thinkingest Ass. Justice, Antonin "I'd Rather Be Practicing Zealous Constructionism Than Thinking!" Scalia, who regards the Constitution as a locked document unworthy of exhibiting flexibility or poised to reward thought and intelligent application, much like those folks who think the Bible is the literal history of the world and time, which has only existed for 4,000 years, you know. So basically, according to Scalia, why should we have a Supreme Court? Why pay for nine justices? We can just have someone who has his or her letters look it up in the Constitution. If it ain't in there, than it ain't thee law. The. End.]

This new conspiracy/meme will supplant the "Obama is not a natural-born American" chestnut effective immediately.

That is all.

Photo: Doug Mills/The New York Times

Orioles Finish First!

"I never should have gone to Baltimore. That's the most dysfunctional joint I've been around in 42 years of baseball."

-Ex-O's-pitching coach Leo Mazzone, ESPN Magazine, Jan. 26 2009

Lights Out

"Comrade, let us build nuclear-powered lighthouses to illuminate the workers' paradise and guide the workers' vessels safely through the rocks of the Arctic Circle! Then let us abandon them to the looters and elements. Spasibo!"

Spotted on Neatorama; comes from the stupendous English Russia.

Haai dola dil dola mann dola re dola

From Devdas.

Best Worst Photoshop for January

Breaking News: The Sun is completely awful, Part MCMXVII

Here's a screengrab from this evening's Baltimore Sun website. See that link five down, the one in red and blue that reads "Looking for Tickets? Get them here"? Well, that happens to be a link to a page to buy tickets for the upcoming Ravens at thee Tennessee Titans (Titmice) NFL Football Game Contest this weekend, through a company called TicketNetwork Direct.

Problem one: WHY IS THIS ON THE EDITORIAL SPREAD? It's not editorial. It's a bullshit ad slipped in between actual editorial stories about the Ravens. Slimy marketing people are responsible for this, and the new leadership at the Sun is garbage for OK-ing it, because they are stupid and, in the words of one former Sun staffer, "a fucking retard." They should be sent to North Korea for reeducation and other fun physical workouts.

Problem two: In the Harford Courant, there's a lengthy Sept. 30, 2008 blog posting that warns people against using companies like TicketNetwork Direct. The Harford Courant is owned by the Tribune Company, which also owns The Sun. Does anyone at the Tribune read their own papers? Answer: What do you think? Hell no.

Whatever. I give up, again.