Orioles Finish First!

"I never should have gone to Baltimore. That's the most dysfunctional joint I've been around in 42 years of baseball."

-Ex-O's-pitching coach Leo Mazzone, ESPN Magazine, Jan. 26 2009

Lights Out

"Comrade, let us build nuclear-powered lighthouses to illuminate the workers' paradise and guide the workers' vessels safely through the rocks of the Arctic Circle! Then let us abandon them to the looters and elements. Spasibo!"

Spotted on Neatorama; comes from the stupendous English Russia.

Haai dola dil dola mann dola re dola

From Devdas.

Best Worst Photoshop for January

Breaking News: The Sun is completely awful, Part MCMXVII

Here's a screengrab from this evening's Baltimore Sun website. See that link five down, the one in red and blue that reads "Looking for Tickets? Get them here"? Well, that happens to be a link to a page to buy tickets for the upcoming Ravens at thee Tennessee Titans (Titmice) NFL Football Game Contest this weekend, through a company called TicketNetwork Direct.

Problem one: WHY IS THIS ON THE EDITORIAL SPREAD? It's not editorial. It's a bullshit ad slipped in between actual editorial stories about the Ravens. Slimy marketing people are responsible for this, and the new leadership at the Sun is garbage for OK-ing it, because they are stupid and, in the words of one former Sun staffer, "a fucking retard." They should be sent to North Korea for reeducation and other fun physical workouts.

Problem two: In the Harford Courant, there's a lengthy Sept. 30, 2008 blog posting that warns people against using companies like TicketNetwork Direct. The Harford Courant is owned by the Tribune Company, which also owns The Sun. Does anyone at the Tribune read their own papers? Answer: What do you think? Hell no.

Whatever. I give up, again.

Great Moments in Photo Captions

Gen. Laurent Nkunda, the leader of a group of rebels, with his pet goat Betty in the mountains of Congo.

-Thee New York Times, 12/19/08
















Photo by Benedicte Kurzen/VII Mentor

Diamond David Lee Roth vs. King Carl Brutananadilewski

Presenting SOUNDBOARD BATTLE ROYALE!

In this corner, current/former/current Van Halen front "man" DIAMOND DAVID LEE ROTH:















And in this corner, South Jersey's own CARL BRUTANANADILEWSKI:














SOUNDBOARD BATTLE BEGIN!!!!

The Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide

Greetings and welcome to the first annual Laser Pants 2008 Holiday Gift Guide. If you're looking for a gift that says "I actually give a crap and want to show it through materialism!" we are here to help. All are available via the Internetz.

The Thing
This quarterly subscription production features original objects and creations by the original artists. It arrives in a plain brown box, the size of which varies dramatically (thanks Meg!). Learn more from bits on Marketplace and in Thee New York Times.










Idiots' Books
Another subscription (single books are available too), these are very limited run illustrated books about all sorts of topics, made by the Chestertown, Marlyand team of Matthew Swanson and Robbi Behr (thanks Jim and Jill!). Though at first blush these may appear to be wholesome, well-done, smart children's books, they are most refreshingly not. They're better.







Charcoal print of a cowboy hat-wearing, shirtless,
glistening, 70's-era Burt Reynolds
From the Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum in Jupiter, Florida (thanks for discovering this but not making us have one in the house, Eric!)



















Dogs of the Soviet Space Program Commemorative Matches
From the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Los Angeles, California.
















I [Heart] BMore Hoodie
Designed by Nolen Strals; order 'em through Atomic Books. Wear proudly. Stay warm and stay in school. (Photo is of the T-shirt.)















Make Your Own Awesome-As-Hell Hoodie
I got this one for Mink through LogoSportswear.com and it is beyond spectacular, whether iz Caturday or any other day.




















Got other suggestions? Let me know, I may append.

HistoricaLOLcat

From I Can Has Cheezburger:

This captioned cat picture postcard was found by Tracy Angulo in a Seattle antique store. Tracy tells us that the photograph is from 1905, which would make this officially the oldest cat picture with a caption, AKA lolcat, that we’ve seen.

The differences are clear. Proper grammar and a more formal tone was in vogue back then. But the similarities to modern-day kitten struggles and lolcats are amazing. ALL CAPS is still cool, but most importantly, she also no can has cheezburger. More than a hundred years later, all that’s changed is the spelling.