Monday, July 21, 2008

The Pimpiest PDF of the Summer

In Friday's NYT City Room blog, a little item caught my eye, because it was entitled "What A Pimp Reads." And that's not normally the kind of title you're gonna get with the NYT. "Whither Pimps of Letters?" is more their style.

Anyway, this is about a fellow named Corey "Magnificent" Davis, an entrepreneur and ho-stomper of a chap who apparently kept some of his stable locked up in a house owned by his mom, who is totes nice for letting him do that. Also it's funny because his mom is Constance Carter-Davis, and her job is to be the commissioner of human services for Babylon, N.Y. Also, it's even funnier because, as the Times writes, "Her responsibilities there include helping victims of domestic violence." BEST MOM EVAR!!1!! Anyway he's looking at federal time. Enjoy!

To get to the point, there's a PDF attached of all the wonderful and amazing things the feds found in his car (though they don't specifically say what kinda ride it was, there was a Mercedes key listed, but no model number! Multiple photos of a white Benz were in the haul, but no one noted a model). The Times focused on the reading material, because they think it's like so weird that a pimp can read! But there were much better things to note as well, like about nine cell phones, tens of thousands of US cash money, lots of funny receipts, a panoply of ho shoes and outfits, and, well:
  • "Bite Me Literally" key chain with keys
  • Wall hanging entitled “Priceless”
  • Wall hanging entitled “Nykeea”
  • Book entitled Whore - Whoever said whoring wasn’t easy...
  • T-shirt (black) - “The Beatings Will Continue”
  • “You’re The Bomb” picture
  • Package containing disposable “Free Bras” from inside black colored Ricardo duffle bag
  • Packet of papers with first page entitled “Persuasive Essay” from inside black colored Ricardo duffle bag
  • Handwritten letter from “Magnificent” to “Priceless”
  • Anniversary Card from “Magnificent” to “Priceless”
  • Certification of Records from Douglas M. Monasebian, M.D. re Shamere McKenzie cosmetic surgery
I bet that plastic surgeon is thrilled. He's on Park Avenue, you know.


Shop Boy said...

Oh, that's pure magic.

Goff said...

Magnificent Magic.