The Bears Will Laugh At You Before They Eat You

From L.L. Bean's winter collection: Insulated Lighted Hunting Hat, item TA53833, cost $39.95. This sartorial marvel contains "two small LED lights in the visor" that will "illuminate a path or work area" and also "guarantee you an ass kicking." I added that last one.

Also, there's a baseball-cap-looking summer model.

12 minutes 38 seconds of awesome

Kings of Power 4 Billion %

Paul Robertson made this. It is . . . just watch. Via Destructoid.

Evolution

The Giant Claw's owner: an Ice-Aged, antimatter-shielded, ugly-assed buzzard is clearly an inspiration for . . .


The Goonies' Sloth (as portrayed by John Matuszak*): a deformed, mama-bedropped, ugly-assed but pure-hearted freak.

* From Sports Illustrated: "During his playing career, Matuszak is said to have enjoyed what he considered the 'breakfast of champions,' a vodka and valium combination that can not be found on any Wheaties box."

The Tooz: 1950-1989

Thanks to Bill S for the Giant Claw update.

I'm Hillary Clinton, And I'm Reporting For Duty

When Sinbad is calling you out, you probably need to reassess who exactly is in charge of the words coming out of your talkhole. I have emboldened the funniest part of this NYTimes post:

“I certainly do remember that trip to Bosnia,” [Hillary Clinton] said last week. “There was a saying around the White House that if a place was too small, too poor, or too dangerous, the president couldn’t go, so send the First Lady.

“I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.”

But her account has been challenged, first by Sinbad, the comedian, who traveled with her, and then by news organizations, most notably the Washington Post, which awarded her four “Pinnochios” which it gives for major “whoppers.”

Anyway, Sinbad speaks to the Washington Post thusly:

In her Iowa stump speech, Clinton also said, "We used to say in the White House that if a place is too dangerous, too small or too poor, send the First Lady."

Say what? As Sinbad put it: "What kind of president would say, 'Hey, man, I can't go 'cause I might get shot so I'm going to send my wife...oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian* with you.'"

*Term is used loosely here.

Hot Rods

Photo by Howard Lipin-The San Deigo Union-Tribune

The LA Times irregularly profiles the tales of long-lost cool cars being reunited with their owners; it's a very bright idea for the Los Angeles area, and the stories are usually pretty intriguing. Today's solid-if-not-stellar piece is about a 1965 Mustang that is somewhat painfully being returned to the man from whom it was stolen in 1970, right off the parking lot of the Lockheed plant in Burbank. He's a Ford man, it appears:

Brakke had ordered that honey-gold from the factory. That was the smooth color in 1965. And don't be mistaken: If it hadn't been stolen, a honey-gold 1965 Mustang would be parked in his driveway to this day -- next to his 1959 Ford Ranchero.

For those who don't know, the 1959 Ford Ranchero is totally sweet:

Rly.

The O RLY? Owl


The Lindsey Buckingham

Discovered by Amy M.

Billy Bean

Billy Crystal to don Yankees pinstripes
news.yahoo.com — Billy Crystal will get to "look mahvelous" in pinstripes. The actor will sign a one-day, minor league contract with the New York Yankees and play in Thursday's exhibition game against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Who hates clowns? I do. If I was fortunate enough to be pitching for the Pirates on Thursday, I would avail myself of the chance to gain a rep as a brutal, humorless, headhunting thug, and I would bean the living bejesus out of that tourist.

*There was a good photo of Jimmy Rollins getting beaned in the face, but I like Jimmy Rollins a lot, and so I went with Sosa.

American Know-How

Just go here.

Being John Milkovisch

Finally, a reason to go to Houston (The Energy City):
The Beer Can House.

From 1968 until his death 20 years later, Mr. Milkovisch, an upholsterer for the Southern Pacific Railroad, not only emptied 50,000 cans or more of his favorite beverage but also put the containers to good use, cladding his house and workshop with thousands of maintenance-free flattened beer cans (Falstaff was a favorite) and shading the sun with garlands of tinkling beer can tops and tabs.

The Dungeon Master's Denouement.

Gary Gygax is dead.

Tripe Kept A Rollin'

UPDATED: Now this is much, much better. As long as there's no SH. But ultimately, the guitar/drums/vocals benchmark has been set, and GH is pretty much Nelson to Rock Band's Led Zeppelin.


This could have turned out so much better. But apparently some "creativity marketing VP" who must be nearing 45 years of age thought "the kids" would totally love GH:Aerosmith. This is actually probably the same person who books Aerosmith at events like the Super Bowl.
I have some news for this person, whom I'll call Trey: AEROSMITH STOPPED BEING COOL IN 1976. Get a fucking clue, Trey. Jeezus.
Also: DragonForce is the only reason I put GHIII in anymore. More DragonForce, you ninnies!

You Shall Not Know Our Velocity

As we send satellites and probes whipping around the Earth in order to gain momentum to hurl them deep into the inky void, some strange things are happening to these crafts' velocities. About a decade ago, NASA noticed that Pioneers 10 and 11 were going a bit faster than calculations assumed they would be; recently, scientists noticed that the NEAR asteroid lander was also a little zippier than expected (about 13 mm/sec) as it whizzed around us. No one's quite sure why this is, though theories abound. Math mistakes are one alleged culprit (this from the folks who helped bring you the English/metric Massacre of the Mars Climate Orbiter); previously unknown gravitational effects, or maybe new physical laws, are others.

(via Slashdot)